Oakland Blood Bowl League

Femtastic vs. Elven Elāsmï

Femtastic Win!
2 - 0

"Howdy sports fans, and welcome to tonight's preseason match-up, between Amazonians, Femtastic, and Pro Elves, the Elven Elāsmï. I'm Jim Johnson, and with me here in the booth is Bob Bifford. Hi Bob!"

"Evenin' Jim, and with the conditions out there perfect, it should certainly be a great match, and these twelve thousand spectators agree."

"You said it Bob. Taking the field for the beginning of the first half we have the Elven Elāsmï in blue and white, receiving the ball from Femtastic who are looking a little over-armoured tonight, don't you think Bob?"

"Sure do Jim, but those glamorous gals could still manage to pull out a win, even with the Mark 6 power armour. There goes the whistle, and here comes the kick."

"The ball is picked up by the Elven Elāsmï thrower, but the Femtastic are rushing upfield to put pressure on the thrower. Who has better hair, Bob, - the elves or the Amazons?"

"A tough one for sure Jim! There goes the arm of the elven thrower and it's loooooooong ... and missed it's mark! The ball's loose in the Femtastic backfield, Jim."

"Sure is Bob, and with all those Amazonians swarming the ball, I can't quite make out which one of them just picked the ball up - "

"Me either Jim, but it doesn't matter - the Elven Elāsmï have just recovered the ball again, and tried for a toss across the pitch to a waiting catcher."

"It's not shaping up to be a good throwing night for the elves, Bob - that's a second missed throw, with a recovery by Femtastic who are now trying to - no - wait - that's a brutal tackle, and the Amazonian linewoman is down!"

"Vicious, Jim, and - well ... the Amazonians have responded in kind, with a clothesline of the elven lineman as he ran over to the Femtastic cage that's forming up there."

"Indeed, Bob - Femtastic are huddling to protect the ball-carrier, but the elves are all over the cage, trying to beat down the corners. The point-woman of the Femtastic cage begins to break right, but is brought down for another well-placed tackle Bob."

"That's right Jim - and the elves have now followed up on the ball-carrier and are trying to bring her down, but there's a nasty block, and both players are stretchered off the field."

"Look out Bob - here comes a Femtastic throw in the dying seconds of the first half ... it's up, and ... bouncing all over the place - not a great throw there Bob."

"No Jim, but it's not as if the elves have done better tonight - look: they can't even pick the loose ball up!"

"Right Bob - I can see the referee putting his whistle to his lips and - "

"Jim! Look at that blitz by Femtastic! A great smack-down on the elf, and they have the ball for a last-ditch attempt at a throw and it's ... fumbled! Oh, a waste, Jim."

"Certainly was Bob, so we end our first half here tonight scoreless. We'll be back after these local messages."

"Welcome back, sports-fans, to this preseason match between Femtastic and the Elven Elāsmï. I'm Jim Johnson, and he's ..."

"... Out of beer. I'm bored Jim."

"Well, the match may be scoreless so far Bob, but we've seen plenty of action here in the first half."

"Judging by the fact that Femtastic are starting the second half with three players out, I suppose I agree, Jim."

"Okay Bob. Here's the kick-off, and there's an Amazonian in the perfect position to receive the ball, and this drive is on!"

"There's a great block on an elven thrower, Jim, and he's being carted off by volunteers of the Cult of the Blood Red Cross - do you think we'll be seeing him again this match, Jim?"

"Only time will tell, Bob. Oh, and there's a foul from one of the Amazonians - good call from the referee there - she's outta here!"

"The Elven Elāsmï have swarmed all over the Femtastic players, Jim - I don't think there's any man - er - woman left unmarked."

"You could be right, Bob, but that doesn't stop Femtastic from pushing their way upfield, although the elves have rolled across the pitch and have surrounded the ball-carrier."

"With a swivel of those shapely hips the ball-carrier is out of there, Jim, and that was a simple hand-off and - ohhh ... nevermind, she's slipped Jim."

"The elves are having to back-pedal some now, Bob, to catch the Amazonians breaking through the lines towards the end zone and there's an elf tackled to the ground as ... yes ... the Amazonians sprint closer to the end zone ... and ..."

"TOUCHDOWN! Finally, Jim! Now we have a match on our hands!"

"You said it, Bob. As the teams reset, we should take a moment to mention that there are only two weeks to go before twelve teams line up for the Late 2006 Season's start."

"We should? Okay Jim, I guess we've mentioned that - let's get back to the action."

"Sure thing Bob. Here's the kick to the Elven Elāsmï, who grab the ball, and take down a handful of Amazonians with some punishing blocks."

"Femtastic need to be careful, Jim - they're playing with a two-woman disadvantage right now."

"Good point Bob, although that doesn't seem to be worrying them, with two players taking down the elven thrower and recovering the ball just inside the elves' half."

"But the elves aren't having any of that Jim - they've blitzed the Femtastic ball-carrier and have recovered the ball again."

"But Bob, Femtastic have taken the elf ball-carrier down again, and the ball is sitting for anyone's taking!"

"The Elven Elāsmï have failed to do the taking there, Jim - this could hurt them dearly."

"Indeed it could Bob, because the Amazonians have the ball again, and there's a quick pass upfield, followed by a sprint toward the finish line."

"The elven lineman is running hard to make it back down field to the ball carrier, and - ohhhh - no. Not this time Jim."

"Quite right Bob - Femtastic have casually walked the ball over the line for a two touchdown lead, with just one elven turn left in the match."

"So ... you think the elves can accomplish the legendary one-turn-touchdown, Jim?"

"Doubt it Bob, although both teams are lined up again, so let's see what the Elven Elāsmï has in mind. The ball's up ..."

"And a Femtastic blitz Jim! A great play from the Amazonians has left the Elven Elāsmï reeling before the ball even hits the floor, with one of the Femtastic players recovering the ball to add insult to injury."

"No kidding Bob, that was a very cheeky play, and the Elven Elāsmï are furious, to the point of attempting a foul on the Femtastic star blitzer, but failing to sneak one in under the ref's nose - that's our game folks!"

"The final score is two to zero, Jim. Can we go get a beer now?"

"You betcha Bob. 'Til next time sports fans, I'm Jim Johnson, and he's ..."

"... Googling the nearest bar."

Femtastic

• Winnings: 60,000gp
• FF: +1

Elven Elāsmï

• Winnings: 40,000gp
• FF: 0