Oakland Blood Bowl League

Dwarven Demolition Krew vs. Elven Elāsmï

Dwarven Demolition Krew Win!
2 - 0

"Howdy sports fans, and welcome to another evening of everyone's favourite sport: Blood Bowl! Tonight's match is between the squat strength of Dwarven Demolition Krew, versus the alluring agility of the Elven Elāsmï. I'm Jim Johnson, here with my friend and colleague, Bob Bifford. Hi Bob!"

"Evenin' Jim. There's not one of the nineteen thousand fans in the stadium here who isn't hoping for a complete and utter blood bath by the sounds of it."

"Spot on Bob - they're certainly raising the roof. Looking down on the pitch, and the teams are taking the field - looks like an addition for the Elven Elāsmï in the form of a mercenary lineman."

"True Jim, although no sign yet of the Dwarven Demolition Krew's famed deathroller, Spiky McKillsalot."

"I heard it was going in for it's five-thousand maim service Bob. No time to ponder it though, as that was the coin toss, and the Elven Elāsmï have elected to receive."

"I guess the elves want an early lead, Jim - maybe to offset the pummeling they're likely to receive as the match goes on."

"And speaking of 'on' Bob - this match is on. There's the kickoff, and as the ball is decending back into the stadium this blistering heatwave has given way to torrential rain - could hamper the elves' passing game Bob."

"To be fair Jim, the dwarves aren't the most graceful when it comes to picking up a ball though. The ball has landed, and there we go! The Elven Elāsmï catchers are trying to make their way upfield with the ball only just in the hands of the elven thrower and -"

"He's down Bob! Elven Elāsmï number six, Eclipse Druiddream, has tripped while pushing past the dwarven defence, and we're just getting word from Cult of the Blood Red Cross volunteers that he was pronounced dead on arrival back at the dugout. Not an auspicious start to the match for the elves, Bob."

"Not at all Jim - it doesn't say much for elven agility if a catcher of all positions trips on his own bootlace and breaks his neck. But the Dwarven Demolition Krew are taking full advantage of the turnover with some furious blocking on the Elven Elāsmï."

"The Elven Elāsmï are trying to regroup from that terrible turn one with some half-hearted blocking, trying to clear a path for the remaining catchers to break through, but the dwarves are having none of that Bob - they've sacked the elven thrower."

"The elves are trying to reclaim the ball, but that driving rain is making the ball slippery as all get-out Jim."

"Sure is Bob, although now the Dwarven Demolition Krew have gathered up the ball just inside the Elven Elāsmï half, and have just blocked an elven blitzer right out of the game!"

"Some truly great blocking there Jim. The elves are countering with some magic of their own though - literally!"

"You got it Bob - that's a huge fireball that's just erupted from the stands, and engulfed three dwarven players, including the ball-carrier."

"But look Jim - one dwarf is down, and the Dwarven Demolition Krew still have possession. That's an elven thrower slipping on a pair of sparkly gloves and blitzing the ball-carrier, but to no avail."

"Wow Bob - apparently that was a pair of strength-doubling gloves, but the dwarf just shook the block off, and is making a determined run for the elven end zone."

"The elves are making a desperate attempt at a blitz there Jim, but with no success - the dwarf is still on his feet."

"Oh Bob! That's another huge block from the Dwarven Demolition Krew, and the elven mercenary isn't moving."

"Uh Jim - the news from the sideline is that he never will again - scratch up a second fatality for the dwarves, and they've just run the ball into the end zone to add insult to injury - literally!"

"Wow Bob - barely over halfway in the first half, and the score is one touchdown and two deaths already. The crowd are going nuts!"

"Great stuff Jim - and the players are coming back for more! There's the kick again, and once more the remaining elven catchers are darting upfield, although this time the elven thrower did manage to get his hands on the ball."

"Certainly makes a change Bob, and the dwarves are blocking elves left, right, and center."

"There's one catcher trying to escape the blocks though Jim, and ohhhh ... the crowd hushes as another catcher trips - but he's rolling on the floor clutching his ankle, so looks like he survived this time."

"That's a turn-over for the dwarves though, Bob, who have stepped up their blocking to another level - now the only elf left standing on the pitch is the thrower with the ball - and he's not looking happy Bob."

"No he's not Jim - he's looking for one of his team mates to get up off the floor so he can throw the ball - there's four dwarves bearing down on him right now."

"True Bob, and there goes an elven catcher bouncing right into the end zone. The arm goes back, and it's a Hail Mary Pass Bob, a full 80 per cent of the length of the pitch!"

"A risky move Jim - but also a desperate one, and a fruitless one, with the ball bouncing off the pitch into the crowd."

"With the last few second left in this half Bob, it looks like those four dwarves who were gunning for the thrower are going to get him and BAM! He's down, but luckily for the elves, he's not out."

"Lucky indeed Jim - I've lost track of how many elves are already done with this game."

"A subsantial number Bob, and as the two dwarven runners are playing catch with each other in the dwarven back-field, the whistle goes for the end of the first half of this Late 2006 Season match. The Dwarven Demolition Krew lead the Elven Elāsmï one-zip, and we'll be back after these local messages."

"Welcome back, sports fans, to this Late 2006 Season match, where the Dwarven Demolition Krew are leading the Elven Elāsmï by one. I'm Jim Johnson, and he's ..."

"... Feeling the elves' pain, Jim. The Elven Elāsmï are starting this half with four players either KO'd, Injured, or Worse!"

"Indeed Bob. It's tough to see how the elves are going to turn this around - especially considering that smoke-belching monstrosity now at the center of the Dwarven Demolition Krew's line of scrimmage."

"Things could certainly liven up now that the deathroller is on the pitch Jim."

"I'm not sure that 'liven up' the most appropriate phrase there Bob, but no time to debate linguistics - here comes the kick!"

"That's a nice kick to the dwarven sideline Jim, and the dwarves are moving up to the elven players."

"Advancing mercilessly Jim, although there go two elves straight through to the dwarven ball-carrier for a blitz, but they fail to take down the dwarf with the ball."

"And in the center of the pitch, Bob, the dwarves are getting into position for a grinding cage play, with Spikey McKillsalot at the front of the formation."

"The elven blitzer has just tried to sneak over to the ball-carrier and failed, so there's a turnover Jim, and the dwarven cage has started smashing it's way upfield."

"It most certainly has Bob - the elves are dodging back, to try and slow down the grind, but it doesn't seem to be working."

"Well Jim, it's tough to stop a cage when you only have a half-dozen players to make the attempt."

"True enough Bob, and some hefty blows from the Dwarven Demolition Krew there - I only count one elf left standing on the pitch Bob."

"And it's the elven blitzer Jim, but he's too far upfield to be able to help get the ball. That's an elven lineman blitzing the ball carrier there, but only managing to push back the runner with the ball."

"Well Bob - that leaves the dwarf a simple run upfield, and that's a second touchdown for the Dwarven Demolition Krew!"

"Two-nil Jim, halfway through the second half - tough to see how the decimated Elven Elāsmï are going to pull off two TDs to even the score and force overtime here."

"You may be right Bob, and here's the whistle to begin the next drive. The ball is bouncing on the elven sideline, and there go two elven catchers screaming upfield."

"They've been surrounded though Jim, and on the other side of the pitch a good number of dwarves are moving upfield to put pressure on the elven thrower with the ball."

"And I guess the pressure was just too much Bob - that's a hideous fumble from the elven thrower - even his passing skill couldn't help him as he botched that one mightily."

"The dwarves are going to make him pay dearly for that Jim - they've taken him down in a big way!"

"Nasty, Bob. There goes the elven blitzer making a break for - ohhhh - nevermind - he's been clotheslined by the dwarf marking him, and with just a minute left in this half, it looks like it's all over, with four of the dwarves moving in to surround the ball."

"Well Jim, I don't know whether to give the elven thrower bravery points or a white jacket with tie-up arms - he's just tried to run in between those four dwarves to grab the ball."

"Yup, the jury's out on that one Bob, but it doesn't matter - there goes the final whistle, and it's all over! Dwarven Demolition Krew beat the Elven Elāsmï by two touchdowns to zero."

"A pretty good match Jim - and a worthy number of deaths!"

"Astute Bob. Let's go down to the sidelines, and check in with our touchline correspondant, Sally Vacuum. Sally?"

"Thanks guys. I'm here with the head coach of the losing team, Exarch Swiftseer. Coach - you lost six players in the match, and didn't manage a single casualty, completion, catch, interception, or touchdown. From your perspective, what went wrong?"

"Well Sally, there may have been one or two small tactical choices that went awry, but all in all things went the way we intended them to."

"The way you intended them to?"

"Yes, with the small exceptions of the casualties, non-completions, missed catches, failed interceptions, and lack of touchdowns."

"I see - thanks for joining us Coach. Over here we have the coach of the winning side - Coach Francis: any comments on the game?"

" Well my boys came out fired up today that's for sure. We all wanted to get that awful taste out of our mouths from last season's playoff game and that mysterious tankard of ale that had showed up before the match. We never did find out what brand uses a skull and crossbones as their logo though. Anyways, back to this match, I have to give it up for Belal who single handedly took out 2 of those pointy eared buggers in the second half. Truly inspiring and deserving of that MVP award. Now to get on with planning for next week's match against thouse undead freaks. I hear their bones are quite brittle and make good toothpicks. "

"Thank you, Coach Francis, and congratulations on an impressive start to the season. Back to you guys."

"Thanks Sally. And there you have it sports fans - the Late 2006 Season is off to a great start - check our World Wyde Webb site for details of more great matches. 'Til next time, I'm Jim Johnson, and he's ..."

"Going to get Sally Vacuum's number! Rrrrrowww!"

Dwarven Demolition Krew

• Winnings: 60,000gp
• FF: +1

Elven Elāsmï

• Winnings: 60,000gp
• FF: 0